is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
