AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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