capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
