wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize