I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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