May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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