you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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