Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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