Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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