i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize