i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
