I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
