So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
