No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
