Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize