Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
