Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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