No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to calm my uterus...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
