I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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