Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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