My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
