We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
