Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
