If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
3pm strippers are depressing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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