im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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