omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
