this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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