Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize