I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
