That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
