I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
