Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
