Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
