carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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