ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
