if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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