I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
