dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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