I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
