i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
