This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize