If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
