i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
