I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
