and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
