You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
