$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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