i just had sex bonerless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
