Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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