Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
