you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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