I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
