are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
