guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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