it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
