Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
