Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i think i just lost a toe
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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