One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
