she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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