Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
