I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
