Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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