You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
