a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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