Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
