Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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