I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
