All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
