some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize